Belly: I'm SO FULL.
Brain: ME TOO!
Avoid Smoking Cigarettes
laughingsquid: Avoid Smoking Cigarettes EMILY. EMILY. EMILY. EMILY. Fuck it I’m submitting this to you immediately.
I will because you asked so nicely.
Mom: Can you give me a favorite?
Me: Sure I can do you a favor.
If a guy came up to me and was like, “Girl, you got a flat ass,” but used the tone they’d normally use to say, “Girl, you got a fat ass.” Well, I don’t know where I was going with this but for some reason the thought of switching “fat ass” to “flat ass” is so funny to me right now.
YOU GUYS I AM GOING TO LIVE FOREVER.
I think I had too much the right amount of coffee.
I'm gonna kick today's ass
hughbot: Today: That’s mighty big talk for someone who doesn’t have to get up and go to work. Me: Oh yeah… Today: So that’s probably just the coffee talking, huh? Me: Probably… Yup.
Does anything else exist?
Played the apple stem game again.
I got “I” again. I hope the guy’s name is Igor.
You know that apple stem game where you twist it...
Me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I--. I... I..... Whose name starts with I?
Kevin: You're going to be alone forever.
Applying for this internship feels just like...
I almost didn’t catch the error, “communicates efficientually” when writing my resume. I can’t even blame auto correct for that. Muscle memory lols you guys. Then I tried to explain that I attached the application and included it in the body of the email because I didn’t know which format they preferred. Of course, when I said that, I said, “I didn’t...
Everybody wants to be, Bourgie Bourgie.– Ashford & Simpson
Meet me in Anchorage, that’s where the action is. There’s no nectar...– Surfer Blood
You guys there's this boy.
I’m interested and think we’d be compatible; at least that’s what it seems like. Conditions and timing are perfect. We have similar goals and values. We even like some of the same things. I found out about him on the internet and have since been preparing myself to make a good impression once I work up the courage to contact him. But anyone who knows me knows I have an...
He is convinced beyond a doubt that we will guffaw...
Dad: They said if my phone didn't work, they give me $50 credit for a Droid. What's the difference?
Kevin: Well, the Droid is a smart phone.
Dad: Oh. So that mean is I have a dumb phone.
Wat Google+ is?
“I’m still only at 95 percent. I have no idea what I need to do to get to 100. Maybe it’s some philosophical lesson that represents the fundamental loneliness of the human condition by never allowing you to reach completion. I have no idea.”
Mom: Did you try the french bread?
Dad: Yes. It was good. It's chewy and it tastes a little bit salty. The round and flat ones, right?
Mom: No, it looks like a fat baguette. It was the kitchen counter.
Dad: Then what was it we ate for dinner?
Me: Appa, are you serious? Those were quesadillas.
Dad: What?? French bread and tortillas are both bread. They're both made out of flour anyway.