Want to make a really scary haunted house?
Tell all the actors to run out of the haunted house screaming, “MOVE!”
Mexican jumping beans make a family. Flashing lights in the night 1993.– Lovelife
Oh god oh god I’m pregnant I just know it there’s a little person growing inside of me what do I do I’m not prepared for this how would I ever tell people that I’m having a baby I don’t even know who the father is because I’m not having sex or dating anyone.
That's what any normal, self-respecting person...
Me: She took the breakup pretty hard.
Kreasy: Yeah. I bet she's working out a lot more, doing all her homework and stuff.
Me: What? You're supposed to bottle it up and drown it.
Recipes for disappointment.
To make ice cream from scratch, make sure you have eggs, cream, sugar, vanilla extract, and an ice cream mixing machine or liquid nitrogen. For this exotic dish, you’ll need this flower that only grows in the mountains of Serbia, or be prepared to take out a loan and get it from Whole Foods. Check on your cake, cookies, bread, and muffins while they’re in the oven. There is a two...
Quantity not quality.
Dad: Did you write a thank you card to my friends in Korea?
Me: No I didn't, but I probably should.
Dad: Write a lot.
Me: Why? I hate it when people write long thank you cards.
Dad: Koreans judge how sincere your gratefulness is based on the length of the card. They'll say, "Look how long it is! It must be thorough!"
Me: Okay I'll write an entire page describing the shoebox on my desk then.
I could never be alone at night.– Edwin van Cleef feat. Gemini Club
Time is going to take so much away, but there’s a way that time can offer...– Jeffrey Lewis
Nothing good comes from staying up this late Pt....
2:12 AM: So excited for breakfast but it’s at least eight hours away. Also struck by a strong impulse to try baking home made Oreos.
We're having elephants as a side again.
Dad: Eat some gahjee.
Me: What's gahjee?